I lay in the freezing cold hospital operating recovery room hearing nurses chatting happily and I was not yet awake, but not fully asleep. Aside from the searing pain in my throat from being intubated, my first thought was to thank God that I didn’t stop breathing during surgery. Isn’t that insane? My first thought after waking up from a major surgery was thinking I was too overweight to make it through. What kind of life is this where I even have to fathom this possibility? Well, It’s the life that I had built for myself over the last 10-15 years.
Now mind you, I was only 43. My weight had steadily climbed to 222 the last time I reluctantly had to look. I had secretly known that I was suffering from sleep apnea, but was too embarrassed to let my doctor or anyone else know. I would wake up many nights from sleep gasping for air. When I was under heavy anesthesia for a partial hysterectomy, wasn’t it more likely that I would be unable to breathe? Little did I know, they wouldn’t have taken me in if I was a “risk.” Surgeons take their malpractice policy premiums very seriously. I found out they tilt you backwards and stick a tube (ever present in my mind when I woke up because of the searing pain) down your throat and monitor you extremely closely while under.
All that to say, this was a WAKE UP (no pun intended) CALL! I was 43, obese, if not morbidly obese, and in the worst shape mentally and physically, of my life. This is, my friends, what we call rock bottom. I had tried the proverbial “diet” every 6 months or so since I graduated from college. I come from a long line of professional dieters. None were very successful so I don’t know why I wanted to get a degree in failed diets and extreme exercise plans. The college dropout rates are very high. Nonetheless, I was intrigued by every new program that was touted as the newest and greatest. I watched Oprah yo-yo up and down for all of the years I sat in my “Mamaw’s” living room during the best daytime tv era and I wondered, if she has all of the resources in the world (including live-in chefs, top personal trainers, best physicians- heck they may all have a residence on her property), then how was it going to work for me?
Guess what….none of that actually matters. WHAT???? I love what Oprah has done for women in the business world, women of color and many other ways, so don’t get me wrong, she is just an example of a woman going through what I had gone through. Just much fancier means of getting there. Also her unlimited wardrobe in a myriad of sizes would have been helpful as I was trying to look decent in the business world as my sizes were fluctuating all over the place.
THIS IS THE AMAZING NEWS. Yall, I figured it out (with a lot of coaching, study and most importantly, MINDSET work). Now to be fair, I can’t take the credit. I sincerely prayed that God would show me the answer. I’m not joking. Everytime I hit the wall on the way down to rock bottom, I would fiercely pray that God would finally, once and for all, give me wisdom to understand what the heck was wrong with me and why I couldn’t figure this out and lose this weight and get my health and happiness back. Friends, I got what I asked for but tenfold. He finally helped me figure it out. I’m not sure if it was because the redundancy was annoying or maybe I needed to go through ALL the struggles to be able to help others in my same situation. Let’s go with that latter one. That is the one that led me to start a Life & Health Coaching business that you see now.
But back to the secret…MINDSET is 100% it. I could have tried every diet under the sun (which I think I did) and nothing would have changed because I carried this brain and all of its baggage around with me everywhere I went. I hired a Life Coach, learned to apply the concepts to myself and my weight loss/health journey, recruited a community of like minded women going through the same journey and got to work! I realized that in my specific situation, food addiction was a huge part of my problem. I was/am addicted to sugar and flour and the emotional comfort of food and I learned how to take the shame out of that. Shame no longer had a place in my journey. We are literally “bred” to be addicted to sugar, flour, processed foods and all of the junk that surrounds us everyday. It started in childhood and followed me all throughout life. I honestly didn’t know how to stop the cycle. Eat all the crap, get sick of myself, restrict like a mo-fo (80s babies will remember that saying) and start all over again. My brain didn’t have a darn thing to do other than acting like a toddler and screaming for what made it comfortable and happy and I would listen. I really didn’t know how to do anything else. Plus, that is a miserable cycle, friends. I feel like many of you will know what I’m talking about. Then we go down the Alice in Wonderland maddening, swirly tunnel of self-hatred, guilt and shame. STOP THE MADNESS!
Fast forward to almost two years later. I am 60 pounds lighter in mind, body and spirit. I found a food plan that addressed my specific needs (addiction-based), I took exercise insanely slowly- meaning I didn’t even exercise for the first seven months of changing my eating habits, I surrounded myself with women going through the same journey, and I went to WORK (Mindset work). My mind was being honed and sharpened so fast that my body was trying to keep up. Now, this work is not for the feeble, although I was completely feeble, so I take that back. This work is for the feeble, but you need a strong coach to guide you through it! In a nutshell, I’m an exerciser now (CLAP), I have lost 60 pounds with a few more to go, I started a business, and I enjoy moments in life on a daily basis! You can have this too. I promise! You are not too old, too heavy, too screwed up, too tired, too (insert all of yours). I was all those things and more. Follow me to learn more as we continue this amazing journey together! I’m here in all my sincerity for you and anyone like me two years ago when I was laying in that operating room, just thankful that I made it. Let’s go friends!! Let’s GO!
Be the first to comment